Enemy
by TrunksIzayaBossKadoDRRRotaku
Summary: In which Shizuo and Izaya suddenly switch bodies. How will Shizuo deal with looking like the flea? Complete and utter chaos ensues.
1. Chapter 1

A/N:Hello, all! Today is what I like to call my writing a lot day! Today, I'm not only posting this short fanfiction here, but I'm also posting up a list of my opinions about the saddest scenes in anime! Then I'm off to Fanfiction to write up another chapter of Splintered Birth. Then I'm officially off the computer and doing other stuff.

* * *

Chapter 1: Shizuo's big surprise

It started out as an ordinary enough day for Shizuo Heiwajima. The morning sun shone bright in his face as he lay on his bed. Groggily, he awoke, not really wanting to awaken from a peaceful slumber where he wasn't seen as the monster of Ikebukuro. But awaken he did, and reluctantly.

Yawning, and stretching, he awoke, opening his eyes and sat up, pushing his covers back. Then that was when something off happened to catch Shizuo's eyes through his bleary vision. It was then that he noticed his clothes, which normally fit him, now did not fit him and seemed looser.

'What the fuck?' was Shizuo's only thought as the former bartender studied this new oddity, utterly puzzled at this change. His clothes surely hadn't shrunk in the wash, so how could something like THIS happen? He rubbed his eyes with his hands, surely he was dreaming this. A few moments passed and he looked again. His clothes were still loose on him.

'This is a great way to start a morning,' He thought as he sat up entirely and kicked his covers aside with his feet and reached for the alarm on his nightstand, which was now blaring loudly, to punch it and shut it up. He had broken about a dozen of them that way, and Tom was not happy with him for that, but what could he say?

Alarm clocks just pissed him off, much like people who insulted his brother, people who insulted his outfit, people who called him a weakling, people who called him Shizu-chan, people who brought up the flea, people who pissed him off intentionally, a dark-haired, crimson-eyed, insane informant called the flea, the flea, and did he mention the flea already? There was nothing Shizuo hated more on this blessed earth than Izaya Orihara.

Now, Izaya Orihara also felt the same way about him. Some people theorize that they are actually attracted to one another and just are in a state of strong denial. Needless to say, we can say that that is complete and utter balderdash. Shizuo and Izaya had been asked before about this, and their reactions were flat-out denial. The person who had asked had not fared well. Actually_, two_ people asked.

The first, who brought up Izaya making out with Shizuo, was sent to the hospital with two broken ribs, a twisted ankle and arms, and a nice punch on his jaw after the bartender threw him at a mailbox, hit him with a can of soda that had been twice as powerful due to his super strength, threw him into a garbage can and then finally whacked on the head with a sign post before Shizuo had been satisfied.

The second, who dumbly asked Izaya if he wanted to do 'it' with Shizuo and also asked him if he was jealous of Shizu-chan's best friends and also asked about Izaya's supposed attraction toward the bartender; had also been sent to hospital, with a knife wound on his chest, his clothes torn apart, and a good boot print on his face for good measure from an enraged informant, who had a good laugh over the entire thing.

Thus, Ikebukurians knew better than to ask them if they liked each other, for fear of their impending deaths or destruction. No one wanted to ask, not after what happened to those two hapless guys.

So, we go back to our current situation, where Shizuo just now had his fist raised at the harmless alarm clock, ready to smash it, and he lowered his fist, bracing himself for a satisfying 'crunch', only for it to not break, instead it continued beeping out loud and instead, Shizuo's arm ached badly.

"...The hell?" He grumbled under his breath, unable to believe something like that had happened. He didn't normally acquire injuries so fast. He tried again. The evil clock still didn't have much of a dent in it, but his arm hurt even more now. Confused and puzzled, Shizuo disconnected it and threw it across the room, but even that only resulted in it losing power and getting a tiny crack in its clock as it hit the floor.

That should have killed the clock. Were his muscles still asleep or something? Baffled, the bartender stretched his arms again and then he realized that he couldn't really feel his muscles as much as he usually could. "...The hell is going on here?" He mumbled, then frowned. Was his voice always so...odd? He shrugged it off. "I need a good, long smoke," He mumbled.

As he rubbed his eyes, something about his hands caught his eyes. They were paler than usual, and thinner. Blinking, Shizuo studied his hands in confusion before noticing his hand now had a silver ring on it. He gaped. He recognized that. He knew that thing very well. But how the fuck did it get on his hand?

Shizuo just was not having a good day, he cursed under his breath, getting out of his bed and trying to wake himself up from this weird nightmare. It didn't work and then he also noticed something else about himself that made him scared. Somehow, his hair was now black and not dyed blond. Shizuo now feared this was a terrible nightmare. Reluctantly, he went to the bathroom and what he saw in the mirror made him nearly pass out from shock.

Shizuo Heiwajima was not staring back at him, rather _Izaya Orihara_ was. Turning around, he tried to find the flea, but found the spot behind him empty. Turning around again, he found the flea was still there in the mirror. Shizuo suddenly couldn't breathe properly.

"HOW THE FUCK DID I TURN INTO THE FLEA?" He cried, "Oh, fuck, I even sound like the stupid flea. How the fuck did this happen to me? I want answers! If Izaya's strolling around inside my body, I'm gonna fucking murder him, I'm going to, I'm going to kill him-"

Before he could say any more, his complaints were cut off by a sharp ringing noise. It was his phone. Shizuo's eyes widened. "Damn it." He cursed. Who could this be, Shinra, Celty? Then he looked at the number and his eyes widened. "Oh, no..." He mumbled under his breath as he recognized the number. It was TOM, asking him to come to work. He looked at the clock and realized that he was indeed late for work.

He answered it, but dropped the phone, too fearful of even talking. He picked the phone back up again.

"Shizuo, what the heck was that? Did you just drop your phone? You're up now? That's good. You're late to work. Are you ready?"

'Oh, dammit, what will he say if he sees me wearing the fucking flea's face?' Shizuo thought in panic. Tom would obviously misunderstand the whole situation. He needed a lie, fast. "...Y-Yeah, Tom, I'm up."

"Shizuo, is that you? You sound strange. What's up with your voice?"

"Um...I have a bad cold today." Shizuo lied.

"That explains it. But still, does a cold really make you sound so different, Shizuo?"

"Um...I really can't come to work today, Tom. I'm really, really sick."

"Shizuo, you're lying, aren't you? Did something happen? Are you hurt, or badly sick? If you want, I'll come over and give you some medicine to cope with-"

Shizuo freaked out at that moment. "I-I can take care of my cold myself, so I won't be into work today!" He cried as he hung up on Tom. "That was close," He panted, putting his head in his hands. "What the hell am I gonna do?"

Meanwhile, elsewhere Izaya Orihara was also freaking out, though the informant had calmed himself down long ago and was now scheming how to ruin Shizuo's reputation. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Shizuo, as the latter was still too panicked to think straight.

* * *

-Elsewhere, Tom Tanaka's apartment-

Tom Tanaka frowned as he checked his watch. Where was Shizuo? He should be here by now. What was causing him to be so late? Something was off here. Concerned, he flipped his phone open and dialed Shizuo's number, waiting for him to answer.

He heard the click of the phone. Then, an unfamiliar voice answered. "...U-Um, Tom? It's me..."

He gasped. The urgency in the tone sounded similar, but who was this? This voice didn't sound like Shizuo at all. "S-Shizuo, is that you? You sound weird."

"Yeah, I have a bad cold..." 'Shizuo' said.

"Must be one heck of a cold for you to sound this different," Tom replied, noting how the person he thought was Shizuo sounded scared. Unlike Shizuo. Something was wrong.

"Shizuo, is something wrong? Are you badly sick? Your voice doesn't sound like you at all! Should I come over and give you some medicine?"

"I'll be fine! I'll take care of my cold myself!" Shizuo cried, and then disconnected.

"Wait, Shizuo!" Tom cried, but he was too late. "Something is wrong, I'm definitely going to see what's up." Was Shizuo in trouble, hurt, or even on the brink of death? Worry surged through him as he traveled to Shizuo's apartment. He was going to get answers out of Shizuo, whether he wanted to or not.

* * *

-Meanwhile-

Shizuo searched for clothes in his closet that would actually fit him. He actually tried on his regular outfit, only to realize he looked utterly ridiculous. "Fuck the flea and his stupid short body," He cursed. When he found the flea, he was going to beat the shit out of him and get his body back. He didn't want to be stuck in the body of the foulest asshole on the face of the planet.

He finally found a pair of pants and a black shirt, that was all too similar to Izaya's regular outfit, but it was the only thing that actually fit him. Cursing the flea once more, he then got himself some breakfast. "What the hell am I going to do?" He muttered.

Suddenly, his cell rang again. He jumped before realizing to his horror, it was Tom again. "H-Hello?" He said, his voice shaking.

"Shizuo, you don't sound okay at all. I'm coming over to see you."

"Wait, Tom, you don't understand! You can't see me! I'm infected!"

"Infected? Shizuo, have you lost your mind? I really need to see what's up with you. I'll be there shortly."

"Wait a goddamned second, Tom!" Shizuo howled, but Tom had already hung up, leaving a bewildered and confused Shizuo.

"Oh no," He muttered, "When he sees me, he'll think I'm the fucking flea! Great, just great!" He mumbled as he picked up his spoon and flung it out of his cereal, toward the window. Unfortunately for him, the window did not crack and the spoon just fell to the ground.

"Dammit...dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit..." He cursed, wandering around.

His doorbell rang, causing him to jump in alarm. "Who the hell could that be? Shinra, Celty, the flea?"

He peered out to see who it was. It was Tom, much to his horror. "Oh no..."

Tom knocked on the door. No sign of Shizuo. "Shizuo?" He called, "Are you in there? I'm coming in."

Shizuo freaked out and immediately knew he had to hide. He couldn't let Tom see him like this. Having a different voice was one thing, but looking like Izaya was another thing. He immediately hid, feeling completely embarrassed, but what else could he do? He definitely didn't have the flea's switchblade with him. And he definitely didn't want to deal with the shady fellows the flea hung around with.

"Shizuo, are you up? Shizuo, where are you?"

For a few moments, Shizuo thought he was safe, but then he moved.

"Shizuo, there you are! Why are you hiding?"

'Shit...shit, shit, shit, shit, shi-'

"Shizuo, come out. Why are you doing this? You know you can trust me."

"Tom, I can't let you see me...I have a...a...terrible disfigurement!" He cried.

"I don't believe you, Shizuo. You're a bad liar."

"It's like a mixture of a cold that not only changes my voice, it gives me something like...like...l-leprosy."

"I don't buy it, Shizuo, now come on out. What could be so bad that you can't tell me?"

The second Shizuo stepped out, Tom's jaw fell open. Shizuo facepalmed mentally. 'I knew this would happen.'

"You're not Shizuo at all. Izaya Orihara, what the heck are you doing in Shizuo's apartment? Have you kidnapped him, or are you just toying around with me?"

Shizuo smacked his forehead. "...N-No...you're misunderstanding me...I...I really am...Tom, you've got to listen to me." He said, raising his hands up.

Tom didn't believe him, he knew. "Izaya, I know what kind of person you are. How can I believe anything you say? Now where in the world is Shizuo?"

"Tom, dammit, this might not sound believable, but I am Shizuo! I'm not Izaya, dammit! I'm not the fucking flea!"

"Now you're trying to imitate Shizuo. How pathetic you are..." Tom remarked.

"Wait...wait, I can prove to you that I'm not Izaya!"

"Really?" Tom said.

"I'm not Izaya, I'm Shizuo Heiwajima, I went with you to the same middle school, I work as a debt collector, I have a brother named Kasuka, I hate the flea, I like milk and I like sweets! My best friends are Shinra Kishitani and Celty!"

"Sounds like you recited that from a script, Izaya."

'Crap, crap, crap. Think of something, anything, that would make him know it's me.' "Um...when I was little, I first used my strength when Kasuka ate my pudding and I lifted up a fridge."

That did it. Tom gaped. For a few moments, he couldn't speak. _"S-S-Shizuo_? Is it really you?"

"Yes, it's me, Tom!" Shizuo huffed, running a hand through his (currently) black hair in annoyance. "I'll explain everything right now."

"Shizuo, what the hell happened to you?"

"I dunno. I woke up looking like the fucking flea." Shizuo growled.

"Are you sure you're not Izaya-"

"I told you no, Tom! Dammit! Can't you believe me?"

"Well, you curse like Shizuo, so you must be him."

"I can't go to work like this, Tom. I'll be a laughingstock. I'm just a stupid flea right now to the rest of Ikebukuro."

"Sure you can work," Tom said.

Shizuo looked at him as though he were nuts. "Tom, have you lost your damned mind? I don't have my strength!"

"Oh," Tom said, looking finally at a loss for words. "This will be hard."

"Damned straight." Shizuo snapped.


	2. Chapter 2 help

**A/N:Time to update! Tomorrow, I'm going to another boring conference and I don't know how good the Internet connection there will be so I'm just gonna put this out there! I'm gonna update some stuff today because I don't know when I'll get the chance tomorrow to update! O.o But I'm glad others like this story (it's based off a Tumblr meme where the muses switch faces for a day) but I adored the body-switching too much! Running up that hill is another fic of DRRR which inspired me for this. :D I'm glad it's funny. **

**Chapter Two Co-conspirators**

* * *

"What the hell am I going to do, Tom?"

The wording is the same, and so is the undertone of annoyance and cursing that he's used to, but the voice it's coming from is different. But in the end, it's not so much Shizuo's voice that's different as his appearance. Never did Tom ever think he would actually live to see the day Shizuo walks around looking and sounding like his worst enemy. This has to be an ironic twist of fate.

"I don't know, Shizuo. One thing's for certain, we can't keep this a secret for forever."

Shizuo snorted. "Tch, that's for sure. I really feel like punching my hand through that stupid mirror so I don't have to see that asshole looking at me..." He said.

"That won't work right now, Shizuo." Tom said, looking at his friend with a look of pity. "Hey, I think I have the right thing that'll calm you down...I brought you a pack of cigarettes..."

Shizuo's face lit up, and then a very Izaya-like smirk appeared. "Hey, I could get the flea addicted to cigarettes. This could work..." He mumbled.

"Shizuo, you're unnerving me a little," Tom said.

"Let's just say I'll be giving the flea cancer and an earlier death notice once I find him," He said, smashing his fists together like he usually did. "Dammit, I hate how weak I feel!"

"Shizuo, this is how the rest of us live our lives without throwing stuff around." Tom said.

"Oh," Shizuo said before crossing his feet in the same way he usually did, and glared at nothing in particular, lighting a cigarette. "I'll bet the flea is looking for some way to pin this on me. But even if I do find him, Tom, I can't go screaming his name because I look like him now!"

"The chaser has become the chased," Tom remarked, "Hm, maybe this is just a sign that maybe you should see how others live their lives, Shizuo. Maybe Izaya's not an evil demon from hell."

"The day that he starts acting nice is the day we stop being rivals and actually become friends or anything more." He said, before crushing his cigarette with his hands and his hands going on the couch in a familiar aggressive gesture.

"Shizuo, you can't do that anymore, remember?"

"Oh...yeah..." Shizuo muttered, looking utterly devastated. "Some hell of a great debt collector I'll be now! I look like the most insane human in the world!"

"Shizuo, calm down. I think we'll figure something out sooner or later."

* * *

-Izaya Orihara's office-

Never did Izaya think that something so disturbing and unnatural would happen to him. He never even believed that he could switch bodies with the one he hated the most. "Curse you, Shizu-chan. I don't really want to wear your ugly face, but seeing as it's perfect for my plan right now, I don't care." He mumbled.

Namie walked by, utterly unimpressed. She already knew he wasn't Shizuo from the moment he'd started calling her 'Namie-chan.' The real Shizuo wouldn't know that. She had to feel bad for his rival, though. It seemed like Izaya always started all of the conflicts.

"What are you going to do?" She asked.

Izaya turned to her. "I'm gonna make Shizu-chan look like a nutcase and have him locked away! Then I'll be free to do as I please!"

'I pity Shizuo,' She thought. "Right? And what if he comes over here?"

"Aren't you forgetting something, Namie-chan? Right now, I have his strength and my switchblade. There's no way I'd give Shizu-chan an equal chance to fight me."

'He really is ruthless,' She thought. She smirked a little. Time to get back at Izaya for misusing her and her brother for all this time. What better way to do it than by helping out his worst enemy?

"Where are you going?" Izaya asked.

"I'm gonna go call my brother," She lied. In reality, she had another person she was going to call, one she never thought she would talk to again, Mikado Ryuugamine.

* * *

Mikado jumped out of his chair as the woman called Namie Yagiri told him he was to visit Shizuo and help him out. Shizuo Heiwajima, of all people? Was she nuts? That guy would beat him up and everything! He was totally scary!

Plus, he didn't really want to be dragged into Orihara-san and Heiwajima-san's personal vendettas. The more he stayed out, the better.

"Do I have to do this?" He whined as he followed Namie's instructions to Shizuo's apartment. A tall man with dreadlocks answered the door.

"Hello, how may I help you?"

"I'm...here to see...S-Shizuo..." Mikado said.

"Shizuo's in here," He said, "But it's not that easy to explain."

Mikado looked around as he walked in nervously, expecting the tall blond bartender to come jumping from around a corner and bash his head in with an axe. But he noticed the tv set was on and someone was watching it. It was the person who was watching TV that made Mikado's jaw fall open.

A dark-haired male he knew very well was slouching there, watching TV and..._smoking? _Mikado spoke up first, "_O-Orihara_-san, what are you doing here?"

Much to his surprise, Izaya didn't greet him, nor did he even turn his head. Instead he just ignored him. No insults?

"Orihara-san?" Mikado said.

"You mustn't call him that...what's your name? I'm Tom Tanaka, Shizuo's employer."

"I'm...Mikado Ryugamine. But surely Orihara-san would know that."

"Huh? Who the hell are you?" Izaya said, looking at him in boredom. "I don't care if you're some stupid kid. Get out of here before I throw you out the window."

"Orihara-san, where's your jacket?"

"Stop saying that name, kid."

"But, I don't understand..." Mikado whimpered.

The informant just glared at him. "Look, screw off. I'm not the flea! I'm Shizuo Heiwajima. Who else do I look like to you?"

"But you look like...like...Orihara-san. Is this some sort of game?"

The dark-haired man's grip on the bowl he was holding cracked slightly.

"Shizuo, no throwing things. You've already hurt your hands enough times today." Tom scolded the dark-haired male, who just cursed out loud.

"What the hell do you expect me to do, Tom? I'm not calm! And what the hell was your name? It was too long and I couldn't understand it, dammit!"

"M-Mikado is my name. Sorry if I upset you, Orihara-san..."

"Shut up." Shizuo hissed.

"Mikado-kun, this is Shizuo Heiwajima. Today, somehow Shizuo-kun and Izaya have switched places. So this isn't Izaya you see before you, but rather Shizuo."

It was then that Mikado noticed the lit cigarette in his mouth. "Well..." He said, but trailed off, unable to say anything more.

"Come and sit down, dammit! I don't have all day!" Shizuo snapped.


	3. Chapter 3 dollars leader

**A/N:Time for the next chapter!**

**Chapter Three acting like the other**

* * *

"So...Heiwajima-san...what are you going to do?" Mikado Ryuugamine whimpered, staring at the latter, because it was hard _not to stare _at the sight of Izaya Orihara before him, smoking a cigarette and acting completely unlike himself. Of course, even if he was unaware that Izaya was Shizuo, he would still find it to be more like Orihara-san was just imitating Shizuo-san in order to piss him off, or something.

"Just call me Shizuo. I don't care for formalities." Shizuo spat, still smoking his cigarette. "Pah, I'm gonna need at least fifty thousand cigarettes by the time this is through, Tom..."

"Shizuo, can you please not smoke in front of a kid?" Tom urged.

"It's okay, Shizuo-san, I'm perfectly comfortable with this," Mikado said, though he was waving away the smoke issuing from Shizuo's lips.

"Sorry, I guess I'll stop," Shizuo said, reluctantly crushing his cigarette with his fingertips. "Dammit, I can't even do the one thing that could distinguish me from the freaking flea!"

"What are you going to do, Shizuo-san? You obviously can't chase after Orihara-san, and I'm sure he'd be up to something." Mikado began.

"Of course he is," Shizuo said darkly, his fists tightening ever so slightly. "And if he is, I'll find him and kick his ass back to Shinjuku where he belongs-oh, fuck, that's not gonna happen, is it? I'm really, really screwed." He mumbled.

"Not necessarily, Shizuo-san," Mikado said.

"What? Oh, really, tell me why you came here, Mikado! What can a high-schooler do to help me, huh?" Shizuo demanded.

Mikado lowered his gaze for a moment before a smirk made its way on his face and his eyes darkened ever so slightly. "I'm glad you asked, Shizuo. I think it's time I introduced myself properly. Ryuugamine Mikado, the leader of the Dollars, at your service," He said coldly.

Shizuo's jaw dropped upon seeing the kid's change in personality. "What?"

"You heard me," Mikado said.

"Okay, so you've got a split personality or you're just schizo," Tom said from the doorway, "What difference does that make?"

"Tom, he's saying he's the leader of the Dollars, the online gang!"

Tom raised a brow. "Really? They're getting younger and younger these days..."

"Tch, reminds me too much of that other gang, the Yellow Scarves and their leader..." Shizuo cursed.

"What? Who was their leader?" Mikado asked.

Shizuo just cursed. "...Their leader was a kid...a young kid, around your age...his name was...Kida Masaomi, I believe."

Mikado's mouth fell open, and he lost his darker personality at that moment. "...Kida-kun is the leader of the Yellow Scarves?"


	4. Chapter 4 Acting like the other

Chapter Four Meeting with Shinra and acting like each other...

* * *

Shinra Kishitani was a little confused, he hadn't seen Shizuo at work lately, and he had not seen Izaya, either, which was odd in and of itself. Well, he had seen Shizuo, but Shizuo had not greeted him at all; instead he had just walked by him, smirking, which was rather unlike him.

'Shinra, I think something's going on with Shizuo and Izaya,' Celty wrote.

"I think so, too," Shinra said.

Suddenly there was a loud rapping on his door and he opened it in time to see Izaya standing there, with a dark-haired boy with blue eyes, looking quite nervous.

"Who is this, Izaya?" Shinra said, pointing to the black-haired boy, who looked away for a few moments.

"I'm Mikado Ryuugamine," Mikado said, "Orihara-san has something he wants to tell you."

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?" Izaya said, which puzzled Shinra.

"Izaya, you hate your name now?"

'What brings you here, Mikado?' Celty typed.

"Um...I'll let him explain it. It's kind of hard to believe."

'I have no head, Mikado. I'm sure I can believe anything you throw at me,' Celty typed.

"You two are acquainted?" Shinra said, looking from Mikado to Celty.

'Yes, I've met him before. He's a very trustworthy boy. He goes to Raira Academy.'

"Ah, I went there, along with Izaya and Shizuo!"

"You went to school there?" Mikado said before looking at Shizuo, who nodded.

"Izaya, you weren't exactly the most well-liked person there."

"Umm...I have something to say, but I think I should let him do the talking first." Mikado began.

"For starters, stop referring to the fucking flea," Shizuo said, causing Shinra to gape.

"Izaya, why on earth are you cursing? You don't normally curse."

"You see, Shinra, today I woke up and...well, er, this might sound hard to believe, but I'm not Izaya, I'm Shizuo."

"This has gotta be a bad joke!" Shinra said, "You certainly look like Izaya to me. What do you mean exactly, Izaya?"

"What Heiwajima-san's trying to say is that he's not Orihara-san, he's Heiwajima-san. Even though they look the same, he is Heiwajima-san. See, he's smoking!" He said before pointing at Shizuo, who was indeed smoking.

"Izaya, when did you start smoking?"

'Is this one of your tricks, Izaya?' Celty wrote, with a healthy dose of skepticism.

"I'm _not _Izaya!"

'I can do a test,' Celty said, reaching out with her shadows to feel Shizuo. She felt around him with her shadows. 'Yes, you do indeed seem different. Your aura feels...more gentle and innocent than Izaya's normally does.'

"So what you're trying to tell me, Shizuo," Shinra said skeptically, "Is that you aren't Izaya, but Shi-"

"Like I said, I've been trying to get to the fucking point, but you keep on being a fucking idiot!"

Shinra flinched.

Shizuo's fists tightened around his cigarette and he tore it in two.

"Um, Heiwajima-san, stop. You don't have your strength."

"Thanks for reminding me, kid," Shizuo said before collapsing into a chair and glaring at everything in sight, including things that gave off a reflection, such as the computer screen, the television set, the windows...you name it. "You got any more cigarettes, Shinra?"

"Wow, you really are Shizuo!" Shinra chirped, "B-But how? This is amazing."

"It's not amazing, it's terrible!" Shizuo cried, "Who knows what the flea's doing in my body, he's probably scheming something. If I wouldn't know better, I'd say he'll come here and then make me mad. Then he'll beat me up, because I don't have my strength. You see? Izaya's planning something, I know he is! Then he'll take advantage of this whole situation."

"So why is he here?" Shinra said.

"Because I can help him out," Mikado said in determination.

Celty typed, 'Does this have something to do with...?'

"Yes, it does," Mikado said, "So your name is Shinra? Can I trust you not to tell anyone about who I really am?"

"Who you really are...?" Shinra repeated, in confusion.

"I'm the leader of the Dollars," Mikado said.

"Really now. Isn't that something? I see, so you're getting help from the leader of the Dollars, huh? I'm not surprised, Izaya was already scheming things from the time he was in junior high."

"You're friends with Orihara-san?"

"Yes, in fact you could say Izaya and I go way back, and if you were to ask Izaya, I'm sure he'd say he considers me a true friend."

"A true friend?" Mikado stammered, "B-But he uses everyone."

"Everybody uses someone." Shinra remarked, dismissively, "Celty, are you going to cook us some nice food for our guests-wahhh!"

'Shinra, be serious.' Celty typed, 'This is bad. We don't know what Izaya might do. He could ruin Shizuo's reputation.'

"Damned straight he will," Shizuo said before lighting another cigarette.

"Um, Shizuo, you might not want to do that. You might make Izaya get cancer-"

"Better to have the flea die sooner than later." Shizuo said angrily.

Suddenly the doorbell rang again and 'Shizuo' came in.

"Oh, Izaya."

"So you already know I'm not Shizu-chan," Izaya said, smirking.

"Damn you, flea!" Shizuo cried, leaping off the couch.

"Oh, so Shizu-chan did indeed wind up in my body. That sucks. I don't want to wear your ugly face, Shizu-channn."

"Stop calling me that!" Shizuo cried.

"Um, Heiwajima-san, stop it!" Mikado cried.

"Oh, if it isn't Mikado-kun!" Izaya crooned.

"What are you planning, Izaya?" Mikado said.

"That's for you to find out," Izaya said evilly.

"Wipe that stupid smirk off my face. It doesn't look good on yours," Shizuo scolded.

"And do please take the cigarette out of your mouth, Shizu-chan. It doesn't look good for me to be seen smoking. Don't worry, I already took the trouble of beating up a few guys for you."

"Too bad. Tom won't be fooled," Shizuo said confidently, which caused Izaya to raise an eyebrow.

"Well, Shizu-chan, I've come here to tell you that you have to take on my job because no one will believe you."

"I believe Heiwajima-san," Mikado said.

"Oh, you're not getting manipulated by me, Mikado-kun?" Izaya purred.

"I honestly didn't believe him at first," Mikado said, "But now I do, and he's much more of an upstanding person than you are."

Izaya rolled his eyes. "Shinra, can you figure out a way to switch us back?"

"What a coincidence. I was just about to ask the same thing," Shizuo said, before shooting a glare at Izaya.

"Since I hate Shizu-chan, I wanna get out of his body as fast as possible." Izaya said.

"I couldn't agree more," Shizuo remarked. There were dark auras around them as they glared at each other.

"N-No fighting, you two!" Shinra cried. "This is so hard for me to believe. Maybe you two can learn to get along, huh? I'll do some tests."

"It'd better be fast," Shizuo remarked, "Before I kill the flea."

"You can't, Shizu-chan. I have your strength and my switchblade, and I'm not giving it to you."

"You're playing dirty, Izaya!" Shizuo cried.

"Ah, ah, ah, what will that say to any person outside this room? Anybody outside this room will think that you're me, Shizu-channn."

"Damn you!" Shizuo said, reaching out to punch Izaya, but it didn't work.

"Still a lowly protozoan, even in my body," Izaya crooned.

"It's pathetic," Shizuo said.

"Suits you perfectly, Shizu-channn." Izaya sang.

'That's enough, you two,' Celty wrote. 'You two are both going to have to get along, because Shinra's going to be busy for quite a while. So I suggest you two take over each others' jobs and try to get along to the best of your ability.'

"I don't think that's going to happen any time soon," Mikado said.

"Ah, Mikado-kun's as observant as ever," Izaya said. "Unlike the stupid protozoan."

"I'll damage your reputation!" Shizuo said, his face beet-red in anger.

This caused Izaya to laugh a little. "And what can you do, Shizu-chan? You're too stupid to think straight."

"All right, you two, that's enough," Shinra said.

Izaya looked like he was about to throw something, then stopped.

"Izaya, I suppose you'll have to work with Tom. Shizuo, you'll have to work with Izaya. You two will have to work together."

The two of them glared at each other. "I'm not working with the flea!" Shizuo cried.

"And I'm certainly not working with Shizu-chan. You're gonna have to kill me!" Izaya protested.

"You have to do it, or else I will destroy all the ootoro in Japan myself,' Celty typed, her vapors curling around Izaya.

"That's a devilish thing to do," Izaya sighed.

'Well, you're a devil yourself,' Celty typed. 'It sounds like it's equal.'

"Take that cigarette out of your mouth." Izaya ordered.

"Well, I don't give a fuck what you think, how's that?" Shizuo protested.

"Oh, I have to get going to school!" Mikado cried, by now very late.

Meanwhile...

Masaomi Kida was certainly not expecting his best friend to come walking with the two most infamous people in Ikebukuro-Izaya and Shizuo, though Izaya was smoking and Shizuo was smirking. It was very weird.

"Hi, Kida-" Izaya began, but stopped himself.

"So, Izaya, what are you doing here?" Kida said.

Much to his surprise, Izaya just looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "Who the hell are you?" He said, in boredom, clearly not interested, which also startled Kida. Izaya was never uninterested in his humans. His mouth dropped open.

"Oh, have you forgotten about who I am? I'm Masaomi Kida, the best casanova around!"

He noticed Shizuo was again smirking, very out of character. "Mikado, what's going on here? Why is Izaya acting so weird?"

"I'm just here to beat the shit out of the flea," Izaya said, smirking at Shizuo.

"Izaya, when did you start smoking-" Kida said.

"Say the name again and I'll beat the hell out of you." Shizuo snapped, only he stopped as Mikado glared at him.

"Act in character," Mikado whispered.

"So, uh...lovely weather, isn't it, Kida-san?" Shizuo said awkwardly. It wasn't often that he got to talk to people without them fleeing from him.

"You are acting really weird. Mikado, is there some kind of conspiracy going on? Are you planning something again, Izaya?"

"Of course not, Ki-"

Kida noticed Shizuo punch Izaya.

"What was that for, flea?"

"Let's just go to school." Kida said.

"Good luck," Mikado whispered as they walked away.

"Mikado, when on earth did you become friends with the two of them?" Masaomi pressed.

"Um, I can't really say." Mikado whispered.

Masaomi shot a glare at Shizuo, who blinked.

"Hey, flea, whatever did you do to that kid to make him hate you so much?"

"Nothing in particular, Shizu-chan, I just held his girlfriend hostage and she's in the hospital now, so he has no choice but to be my pawn."

"You're so sick," Shizuo remarked.

"Whatever, you know full well you have no choice but to do my job, Shizu-chan..." Izaya said.

They figured the first place they should stop at should be Russia Sushi.

"Oh, Izaya, good to see you. And Shizuo as well. You two are not fighting?"

"No, I can't wait to get Shizu-chan off my back, so I'm just gonna pretend he's not here," Shizuo said, causing Izaya to gape.

When the hell did he get so good at imitating him?

'Ha, gotcha, flea,' Shizuo thought triumphantly.

"So will you have ootoro like usual, Izaya."

"I guess," Shizuo said, kind of annoyed.

At the same time...

"This is very odd indeed, Izaya, Shizuo. You two are normally arguing and fighting with each other. Is there something going on? Perhaps you two have finally come to an understanding."

As they got in, suddenly a girly squeal interrupted them.

"KYAA, SHIZAYA, SHIZAYA'S HERE!"

A dark-haired girl came over to them, her eyes shining in delight. "Izaya, Shizuo, you two are really in love, aren't you?"

"That's not it at all," Shizuo remarked, "Whoever you are."

"How could you forget my name? I'm Erika."

Suddenly Kadota came up. "Hi, Izaya."

"Hi, Dota-" Izaya began, but was smacked hard in the back by Shizuo.

But since Shizuo didn't know who he was, he didn't say anything.

"It's rare to see you two getting along," Kadota remarked.

"I'm just putting up with Shizu-chan. He thinks I'm so annoying, he doesn't even want me near him. Hopefully the bastard will learn a lesson."

"Bastard? That's an odd way of putting it. And where's my Dota-chin?" Kadota questioned.

"I don't feel like saying it today," Shizuo said, deciding that whatever the hell this 'Dota-chin' term was, that it was something Izaya knew and not him, so he may as well pretend he knew what it was. His acting also left Izaya stunned.

"Oh, and one other thing, Izaya, why are you smoking?"

Shizuo cursed.

"I did that to shut the flea up," Izaya said. 'Shizu-chan...sure...is...good at this,' He thought, more than a little unsettled.

"You know, it's almost like you two have switched personalities or something." Kadota remarked.

"UWAHH, HAVE THEY SWITCHED BODIES, LIKE IN SOME KIND OF YAOI?" Erika said, jumping up and down. "It must be! You must be Shizuo," she said, pointing at Shizuo, "And you're Izaya, right?"

"Pay her no mind, Izaya, she's just crazy." Kadota said.

'Shit, how the hell does she know?' Shizuo thought. "You must be kidding me if you think _I'm _Shizuo. Shizu-chan is _so fucking stupid _I don't even want to be near him." He said, stepping away from a shocked Izaya and smirking at him for dramatic effect.

"Oh, maybe you are Izaya!" Erika said.

'Not bad, Shizu-chan,' Izaya thought.

"So are you Izaya?"

"Nope, would I even want to be?" Izaya said.

"I know what's going on." Erika said, "You two have switched personalities just so you can fall more in love with each other."

Izaya and Shizuo both blinked in disbelief as Kadota led Erika away, mumbling about crazy fangirls.

"Shizu-chan, that was a close one." Izaya remarked.

"We're going to have to act in character," Shizuo said, "People are noticing."

"Yumacchi, do you think those two have switched places?"

"That can't be! It only happens in manga!" Walker said. "I'd say they're pretty much the same."

'No Dota-chin?' Kadota thought, 'That's strange. Something weird's going on here.'


End file.
